


and i hope that it’s enough

by beware_of_you



Series: only love [10]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Strauss is an impatient cockblock, fuck ian doyle and secret military missions, fuck why is this so sad, more sad to get through before the good ole fluff, now i’m even rooting for them to be happy and its my own fic, they’re sad and gay, they’re sgay, this is sad hhh i’m sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25855927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: the day that neither one of them were looking forward to finally dawns upon them (or JJ has to leave Emily alone in Paris while she goes back to her super secret, super scary mission)
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: only love [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838533
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	and i hope that it’s enough

**Author's Note:**

> i was honestly writing nothing but cute fluff all afternoon i forgot how sad this series really is,,,, sorry gays

JJ gently leans over and presses a light kiss on Emily's temple, sliding from the bed slowly as to not wake her. She looks peaceful, no worry lines on her forehead and no terrified whimpers escaping from her mouth. She hasn't had any nightmare for a while. At least, she hasn't had any when the blonde sleeps pressed flush against her like she had been the past few nights.

She reaches down on the ground and pulls on the light evergreen sweater that Emily wore last night, tugging it over her head. The bottom of the sweater comes just below her ass, covers everything just enough that she doesn't feel the need to put on pants (she's not going outside, anyway).

She leans over the bed, pressing another kiss to Emily's cheek before she pulls away and walks out of the room. She quietly makes her way into the kitchen, bare feet quiet against the wooden floorboards. She grabs two mugs from the cabinet, opens up the door to the stove and pokes around the fire with the poker leaning up against the appliance. The coals are still orange and glowing hot enough for her to get water boiling, but she adds a log onto the pile of cinders anyway just as a precaution.

She shuts the door slowly, locking the hinge before brushing off her hands and standing up. She turns to reach for the mason jar with coffee grinds in it when she catches something by the door from the corner of her eye. She puts the jar down, slowly making her way around the table in the middle of the room.

She stops like a deer in the headlights just outside the main room of the cottage, eyes glued on the manila envelope that lays in the middle of the room. She knows exactly what the contents are in the envelope, what it means now that it's here. She blinks quickly as if that would ward it away, or make the golden envelope disappear so she can keep living in this blissful bubble she's built for herself the past few days.

It remains on the floor as if to mock her.

She stares at it as if it's full of explosives ready to go off at any moment, as if it's something to not be trusted. Begrudgingly, she slowly makes her way over towards it and bends over to pick it up. It feels heavy in her grasp even if the contents it contains are feather light. Her chest constricts as she stares down at the envelope, reality slowly setting in.

"Jayje?" she hears Emily call from the bedroom but makes no move to go toward her. She remains frozen, numbly staring at the folder.

"Is everything okay?" Emily asks through a yawn, padding out from the room. She rubs the sleep from her eyes with the back of her hand. She pauses in the middle of the doorway, confused frown on her face when she looks over at the blonde. "JJ?"

Silently, she turns and hefts the envelope in the air in defeat.

Emily's face falls. "Oh."

The blonde lays it carefully on the counter, laying her palm down on it as she leans on the counter. A short, humorless chuckle escapes her lips. "I knew that I would... I just..." She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, shrugging hopelessly. "I'm not..." She trails off, clearing her throat to fight back the tears.

She feels the pressure of Emily's hand against her lower back, leans into the touch with a sigh. She presses the bridge of her nose into the older woman's neck, their free hands looping together and pressing into her hip. Her mind is racing wildly with so many thoughts: how she wishes that she didn't have to leave, how she wishes Emily could just come back now, and how she wishes that none of this mess with Doyle ever happened.

"I just wish I could do more for you," she admits quietly, closing her eyes tightly. "At least something so you don't feel alone."

"Don't do that to yourself," Emily admonishes gently, pressing a kiss to the younger woman's head. "Don't you realize? Staying here with you has been everything to me. You're everything to me."

JJ swallows hard, tips her chin up and meets the other woman's lips in a slow moving kiss, hand squeezing the arm wrapping firmly around her waist.

"How much longer do I have you for?" Emily murmurs between kisses, cool palm sneaking under the stolen sweater and smoothing out against the golden skin of JJ's abdomen. The gesture is soft and tender, spreads warmth all throughout the younger woman's limbs.

"Eight hours," JJ mumbles in a hitched breath.

The older woman shakes her head, carefully flipping JJ so that they're facing each other. She deepens the kiss, pressing their interlocked fingers into the other woman's side. "I don't want to waste them being upset about having to say goodbye," she insists in a whisper. "I just want to be with you."

JJ sucks in a breath, nodding silently in agreement.

Emily stops her before she pulls back, tugging at the bottom of the sweater. "Without this. Just us."

JJ doesn't think she'd be able to deny a request like that with a gun to her head.

They move back to the bedroom, cuddling stark naked on the sheets. JJ's head rests comfortably against Emily's chest, eyes closing at the feeling of fingers gently running through her hair. Her own fingers trace random shapes on the older woman's side, against her hipbone and her ribcage until it circles underneath her and around her waist. Their linked hands rest just at Emily's side, the older woman's thumb running just over the ring with Henry's birthstone. Their legs tangle together, pressing each other closer until no space between them remains.

It's the most intimate and most comfortable either of them have ever felt with another human being.

The radio plays quietly on the left side of the bed, filling the silence of the room. Emily's chest rumbles slightly under JJ's head as she quietly hums along to the music, fingers slowing their movement to match the rhythm of the song. The younger woman's body relaxes at the soft noise, at the gesture. She blinks hard to stay awake, focusing on the radio and the lyrics to the song.

" _Temptation falls in your path. No hesitation why, you ask."_

Emily's voice is just as soothing as it always is, unwavering and beautiful. Everything about her is beautiful. The thought just makes JJ squeeze her waist, makes her hold on just a bit tighter. She turns and presses a kiss against the shamrock brand, immersed in the older woman's singing voice. As the song goes on, JJ can't help but find it ironic that it played just before she has to leave.

_"Oh, kind of woman that'll haunt you. She matters to you."_

The morning and afternoon light seem to fade by like a blur, both women finally stirring and separating from each other as the sun starts to set. They don't speak as they dress, Emily in a dark brown sweater and black pants, throwing a long trench coat over top. JJ dresses back in her uniform, slipping on the combat boots that feel so foreign to her now. She reaches over and turns off the radio, laying it carefully in Emily's go bag.

Then she waits.

She twists the ring on her finger nervously, doesn't let up until Emily offers out her hand just before they head out the door. She takes it without hesitation, gripping Emily's fingers tightly as if to ignore the manila envelope she holds in her opposite hand.

They leave an envelope stuffed with a generous amount of bills inside the locked box by the door for the owners of the cottage and a basket of pastries down for the old goat farmer. JJ sneaks a wad of bills in the basket and a few more head scratches for the friendly billy goat as Emily quietly and gratefully thanks the woman for her kindness during their stay.

They slowly make their way down the dirt road, JJ opening the door of the cab for the older woman to get in. She slides in behind her, curling their fingers back together as she shuts the door. Emily gives the driver the address for the coffee shop the two often frequented during the trip, orders them both a mug of coffee when they arrive and sit outside the small café. JJ takes a tentative sip, but can't bring herself to drink more. She finds herself yearning for the slightly gritty coffee that they made at the cottage.

They sit and watch the sun set over the Eiffel Tower, both taken aback by how stunning the monument looks against the orange, yellow, pink and purple gradient sky.

"Are you going to be okay?" JJ finally asks softly, tearing her eyes away from the sky to look at the older woman. "Like, really okay?"

Emily smiles wryly. "I've been in this position before," she murmurs. "It's not my first time assuming a new identity. I'll be okay. I promise." She brings JJ's hand up to her lips, kissing her knuckles carefully. "You will, too."

The blonde swallows thickly, breaking eye contact. "I know," she admits quietly. "It's just... It's going to be really hard to not know for sure, or how long you'll be gone."

"I'll be back," Emily assures her softly. Her thumb nudges the ring on JJ's finger again. "I have two really important people that need me to come back."

JJ cracks a slight smile, biting down on her lip to contain her tears. "The team needs you back, too," she murmurs softly.

"They need you," the older woman corrects. She reaches over and brushes a piece of hair behind JJ's ear. "Henry needs you. The team needs you. They need you more than me right now." She squeezes the blonde's fingers. "Go back to the base, get your unsub. You're close to figuring out who it is," she insists firmly. "I know you are. I know you can figure out who's behind everything. Find him and get home to your son. Be there for him and the team because they need you."

JJ nods firmly, exhaling softly. "I know I am," she confirms. In a more gentle tone, she adds, "And I will."

Emily shoots her a proud smile, squeezing her fingers once more. "There's the Jennifer Jareau I know and love."

The blonde's heart flutters at her words, face surely looking like that of a lovestruck teenager's. "I love you," she replies quietly.

The older woman kisses her knuckles in response, humming softly on her skin. "Can you promise me a few things?"

"Anything."

Emily's lips ghost over the back of her hand. "Promise me that you won't worry about me when you get home," she starts off quietly. "Focus on Henry, because I'll be okay. Doyle doesn't know I'm out here, or alive. He can't hurt me as long as I'm away."

JJ squeezes her fingers this time. "Derek and Penelope are already looking for him. We'll find him," she promises firmly. "We'll bring you home."

Emily barely composes herself at the statement, nodding before releasing a long, soft sigh. She clears her throat, blinking hard before focusing back on the blonde. "Promise me that you'll help them heal," she asks softly. "Give Penelope a lot of hugs, let her talk with you. Don't let my absence stop you from having girl's night. Let Spencer know that it's not his fault, that he couldn't have stopped anything. Invite him over for movie nights with Henry. Tell Derek the same thing. I know he's beating himself up over it, but it's not his fault. Call him over when there's a game on. Let Rossi be there for you, let him talk to you. He'll understand."

JJ swallows thickly, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "I will," she promises wetly.

Emily brushes her tears away with her thumb. "One more?"

The blonde nods.

"Stop blaming Hotch for this," Emily tells her gently. "Even if I had been given the choice, I would have asked for the same thing."

JJ deflates a little. "I know," she squeaks out in embarrassment. "I know."

"I know it's easier to blame him because he gave the go ahead for this, but none of this is his fault. It's Doyle's. Forgive Hotch, let him off the hook, okay?"

The younger woman swallows hard, giving another nod. "I will." She pauses briefly before she quietly adds, "I'll keep an eye out on Declan."

Emily opens her mouth in surprise, to protest but JJ cuts her off with a firm shake of her head. "He's important to you, so he's important to me. I know I said I wouldn't worry about Doyle, or your past, but I know it will help ease a lot of your worries if you know that someone else you trust is watching out for him."

Emily's lower lip wobbles slightly. She clears her throat, sniffing harshly to ward off her own tears. "I didn't ask you to do that for me."

"I want to," JJ insists quietly, bringing the other woman's hand up to kiss her knuckles just as carefully as she had done to her earlier.

The blonde's phone beeps from inside her pocket, signaling that their time is up. A black, unmarked car pulls into a parking spot just down the street, rushing their goodbyes along.

Smiling stiffly and letting go of Emily's hands, JJ clears her throat. She slides the manila envelope over to the older woman. "Three passports for three different countries. A bank account in each one to keep you comfortable," she murmurs, tapping her finger on the envelope firmly as she stands.

"Thank you," Emily replies softly her voice still choked up with emotion.

The blonde cracks a slight smile before picking up her bag and turning on her heel. Her eyes close briefly when she hears Emily murmur, "Good luck," as their final goodbye.

"Stay safe," she whispers as she inches closer and closer to the car, twisting the ring on her finger. She gets in, sitting heavily down on the seat. She brings her go bag up to her chest, looking out the opposite window as the car pulls back onto the main road.

She jerks her hand back when it bumps against something hard, frowning down in confusion at the bag that was 100% her's (there's a dog tag looped on a zipper with her initials on it). She pulls at it, unzipping the bag carefully.

Sitting there in the middle of her luggage is the battery operated radio she had put in Emily's bag earlier.

**Author's Note:**

> so there’s 15 (yes, FIFTEEN) parts of this series and uh idk if you guys want it all dumped on you like right now or if i should wait,,,,,,,,,,,


End file.
